It shouldn’t be a surprise that there are certain things that took place in your partner’s past which have helped shaped them into becoming the person they are today. But not a lot of people realize that these experiences can also factor into how your relationship is going to turn out as well. Some of these experiences might have triggered certain bad habits that they carry with them today. Some of these experiences might be the instigator for emotional baggage that they still hold onto.
Therapist Jordan Madison, LGMFT says, “[Your partner] may have learned patterns or behaviors to cope with what [they] went through in the past that are not conducive to maintaining the relationship [you both] want.” For instance, because of poorly handled conflicts in the past, they might not really know how to resolve conflicts in your own relationship. And it goes a lot deeper than that too.
You have to know that it isn’t just about how the two of you interact with one another that ultimately determines the future of your relationship. The way that your partner was brought up along with the experiences that they have gone through in life can really factor into what the future is going to hold for the two of you.
However, it’s also important to note that these bad experiences aren’t necessarily going to tear the two of you apart. A better understanding of your partner’s past experiences can really equip you with the wisdom that you need to deal with the certain challenges and problems that you might be forced to face throughout the course of your relationship.
Yes, there are certain things about your collective pasts that can make it harder for you to move forward into the future. However, it’s still ultimately the decisions that you make today which decide where the two of you are going. That’s why the two of you must always make it a point to stay honest and open with one another in your relationship.
“It is helpful, to be honest with each other about how your past is influencing the relationship and discuss what you two need from each other,” says Madison. “Couples therapy is also another way to keep the past from damaging the future, by providing insight and tools.”
If you’re curious as to what exactly you need to be looking out for, then just continue to read on until the end of the article. Highlighted here are a few things from your partner’s past which can potentially impact the future of your relationship in a very significant manner.
1. They grew up in a very toxic family environment.
A lot of the time, when a person is exposed to a toxic family environment growing up, they can carry a lot of that toxicity into their future relationships and families as well.
2. They have contracted a sexually-transmitted disease.
Obviously, any contemporary relationship requires a healthy and active sex life. That’s why it’s always going to be a problem when you are with someone who has contracted a sexually transmitted disease with a previous lover. It can sometimes compromise sex life in your own relationship.
3. They have had a kid with an ex-lover.
A lot of people get into relationships for the ultimate goal of eventually starting a family together. However, it can be a real wrench in the works whenever one party already has a child in the mix.
4. They have gone through a traumatic experience.
Never underestimate the power that a traumatic experience can have on a person. Even when a traumatic experience might have nothing to do with love and relationships, it can still affect a person vastly.
5. They cheated on their ex or they got cheated on.
Infidelity can really do a number on a person. It doesn’t matter whether they were the cheaters or if they were the ones who got cheated on. It’s always a cause for concern.
6. They have been in a relationship with poor communication.
Poor communication can really kill a relationship. And when a person has underdeveloped communication skills, it can drastically affect a relationship for the worst. You have to work on building your partner’s communication skills if you want your relationship to last.
7. They were neglected as a child.
Neglect can have a very profound effect on a child whenever that child grows up to be an adult. They will start to feel like they must always fend for themselves. And they will find it difficult to ever rely on another person for help on anything.
8. They have been in a relationship with a toxic person.
A lot of the time, a person can go through a toxic relationship and be significantly scarred by it. They might be turned completely cynical or negative when it comes to their thoughts and philosophies on love and relationships.