I am going to tell you something that you will not want to hear right now. You will not want to accept it as the truth. You have to know that this isn’t going to be your typical breakup advice. I am not here to tell you how you can win your ex back. I am not here to tell you how you can get things back to the way they were before. Instead, I’m going to tell you that you shouldn’t waste any more of your time or energy on trying to get him back into your arms.
I am here to tell you the truth that you don’t want to hear: if he just let you slip away, it’s because he did not really love you. You have to learn to stop confusing love and passion. You think that just because you are somewhat attracted to someone, you are already in love with them.
That’s not how love works. You aren’t “meant to be” together just because you like to have sex with one another. As women, you are likely to always seek love over lost. However, your desperation can sometimes confuse you and lead you to believe that you are in love even when the truth is that you are far from it. Love is reserved for the most special kind of relationships.
Lust is something that is built for mere flings, hookups, and one-night stands. You might think that just because your guy wants to be spending most of his time on you, he’s practically in love with you – but you couldn’t be more wrong.
I was once in love with a guy named Richard. However, he broke up with me. And I wasn’t my best self when he did. I ended up driving myself crazy. I didn’t think I would be okay. I didn’t think I would ever be able to go on in this life without him. However, it’s only now that I know that I am far from being a needy and codependent woman. I am strong. I know how to stand my own ground. I know how to make it in this life on my own.
I should never have allowed myself to act so foolishly as I did. I waited for so long for him to realize the error of his ways. I tried reaching out to him in the hopes that he would take pity on me. I made sure to let him know that I was still available; that I was still waiting for him to come back into my life. I was still doing everything I could to let him know that I was there for him. And all of my efforts turned up fruitless.
I decided that maybe it was time for me to move on – and I tried my absolute hardest. But I stumbled a lot. I fell off the wagon. All it would take was for one message from him and I found myself gushing all over the idea of winning him back once more. I felt like I was soaring in those moments.
And then he would bring me right back down to earth by reminding me that we were over and that we would never be together. We kept repeating that cycle for quite some time. And I’m not proud of it. I’m not proud of how weak my sense of self-control was.
Until one day, he just completely vanished from my life. He ceased to exist. He was no longer a person on my radar. And it wasn’t because I stopped reaching out to him. It was because he made himself inaccessible to me. And I realized that he had moved on. He did so without my blessing. He did so without my permission.
In fact, he did so without even thinking about me. At that time, I was furious. But it is now that I realize that it was all for the best. It’s because he moved on from me that I was able to move on from him as well. And in the process, I learned one of the most important lessons you could ever learn in love and relationships: no matter how great of a woman you are if a guy doesn’t love you, he’s going to leave you.
And that’s what it all boiled down to in the end. It was a question of love. It wasn’t a question of effort or compatibility. It wasn’t a question of willingness, strength, or bravery. It wasn’t even a question of timing. It was all about love. I could have been the most perfect girl in the world for him but it still wouldn’t have worked out because he never truly loved me. And that is why he chose to leave me instead.