It actually isn’t all that unusual for people to stay in touch with their exes. However, things might get a little complicated when you enter a new relationship.
Is it still okay for you to be keeping in touch with your ex even when you’re already with someone new? Is it possible that you would be able to sustain a new relationship without completely letting go of your old one?
Is it going to be bad for your new relationship if you are still talking to your old flame? These are all some very valid questions that you might have. And we’re going to try to tackle these questions in this article.
Lindsay Rodriguez, a relationship expert conducted two different studies and surveyed younger adults in romantic relationships to see how often they engage in communication with their ex flames and the details surrounding these communications.
They were also asked about how that communication impacted the current relationships that they were in. In the initial phase of the study, there were 2016 undergraduates who were surveyed. All of them had already been in current relationships for over a month and had been in previous relationships that lasted at least 3 months.
They had found that around 40% of students surveyed actually kept in touch with their exes. And for over 90% of those who stayed in touch with their exes, they began to do so within a couple of months after they broke up.
And they persisted to communicate with one another at least once every couple of months or so. Most of the people surveyed didn’t really communicate with their exes too often. But a very small 13% of them actually made contact with their exes for several times in a week.
So, who is actually more inclined to maintain communicative ties with an ex? It turns out that the more serious that people were about their current relationships (whether they were married, engaged, or still dating), the less likely it was for them to maintain communications with their exes.
However, the level of communication that people had with their exes didn’t really have any connections with how serious their relationships were.
Researchers postulate that this is probably due to the fact that these participants of the survey were much younger and so they would not have had the same amount of emotional investment that might have required future communications and interactions.
The nature of the previous relationship was never a determinant. However, it was their feelings about their breakup and their ex at that moment that predicted contact. People were a lot more likely to stay in contact with their exes if they still had feelings for them.
They were also more likely to stay in contact with their exes if the breakup as a generally positive one with minimal drama and hurt feelings. Lastly, those who were hopeful about getting back together with their exes were more likely to engage in communications.
1. Is it okay for you to stay in touch with your ex?
It’s not always going to be simple yes or no answer. There are plenty of things that you need to be taking into consideration. You want to look into your motivations.
For instance, you want to know if you’re just planning to use your ex as a backup or some kind of safety net in case your current relationship doesn’t work out.
If that’s the case, then maintaining contact with your ex is going to undermine your current relationship significantly. There is also other research that suggests that it will be much more difficult for you to get over an ex if you continue to maintain communications with them.
So, the answer is really up to you. If you think that the stuff mentioned here doesn’t apply to you, then maybe it would be safe for you to still be talking with your ex.
2. Is it justifiable for you to feel jealous if your current partner is still friendly with an ex?
If you know that your partner is still maintaining communication lines with an ex, it’s not entirely unusual for you to feel jealous.
In the age of social media, it can be very easy to know if your current partner is still being friendly with old flames. If you know that your partner is still talking to an ex, that shouldn’t be taken to mean that you have a very poor or sad relationship going on.
Perhaps that ex might just happen to be an integral member of your partner’s larger social circle. Remember that it’s also possible for your partner’s ex to be genuinely happy for both of you to be together. It’s another situation that you just have to play by ear.